Maybe the Strongest Thing You Can Do Today is Fall Apart

Hey there, Joy Seekers!

I’m going to start this post out with congratulations – for making it through another month, another week, a day, an unnecessary (or necessary) meeting…for making it through any challenge that you didn’t think you would. You did it!

I’ve been thinking a lot about strength lately - the kind that shows up when you didn’t realize you needed to be strong. Or the kind you recognize you had after the moment passed and you’re like, “Wait… I didn’t fall apart? I didn’t melt down and wrap myself into the fetal position?” That kind.

The Strength We Think We Owe Everyone

In sessions, I can’t tell you the number of times people say they feel like they’re struggling to be strong for everyone else. For their partner. Their kids. Their coworkers. Their friends who are going through “something even worse.” This week alone I had two clients say to me, “I have first world problems and so what do I have to complain about?” My initial response was and will always be: “Yes, you live in the first world, so what do you expect?”

FYI: You can’t be strong all the time because you live in the first world. You aren’t exempt from having problems that need solving because you live in the first world. And sometimes those problems cause us to fall apart a little... or a lot. I have personally had more than my usual amount of falling apart lately. Shoutout to my patient, brilliant, graceful wife for being my emotional sherpa more than a few times recently.

But here’s the gentle reminder: strength isn’t just about being the one who holds it all together. Sometimes it’s being the one who lets it fall apart for a minute, asks for help (boy, is that one hard), and then can get up and keep going even if it’s not at full speed.

When we show up as we really are—not polished, not pretending, just human and trying to find our footing after life has thrown us a 95-mph curve ball—we are silently giving others permission to be human and messy, too. That’s the kind of strength that is contagious in the best possible way. It says, “You don’t have to perform for me. Just be real.” And wow, isn’t that what we’re all craving a little more of?

This isn’t a blog post telling you to “just be strong.” It’s a reminder that you already are, even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you don’t feel like it. Keep showing up with your whole, messy, courageous self. That’s the kind of strength that shifts things—for you and for the people watching you quietly from the sidelines, wondering if it’s okay to do the same. Spoiler: It totally is. Maybe the strongest thing you can do today is fall apart.

A Note to the Helpers

Short side note for those who work in helping roles—therapist, teacher, nurse, crisis responder, social worker, ahem… wife—you probably feel this on a whole other level. You’re not just carrying your life; you’re holding space for the lives of others—many others, day in and day out. Sometimes it feels like strength is the price of admission for this work. Like if you crack, even a little, the whole system might collapse. Seriously serious reminder though: you’re not a machine. You’re a human first. And the very thing that makes you good at your job or anything you commit to if we are looking at the whole picture is your empathy, your sensitivity, your care. It’s important to remind you that this is also what makes it essential for you to recharge and feel held, too.

Self-Care Isn't Optional

I know it can feel risky to admit when you’re worn down. I used to carry my ability to be absolutely wrung out emotionally, mentally, and physically like a badge of honor. My nervous system was shot, and I didn’t like other people or myself very much most days. Looking back, that was destructive to me and a lot of people around me. It took a few decades, but I finally got more comfortable with admitting that I was exhausted and allowed myself to rest. It also took a long time to tell others when I was exhausted because I didn’t want them to think I didn’t have it together or wasn’t the strong person I only let them see. Being in a helping profession or just being human means that we get worn out and sometimes it sneaks up on us. One minute we are cruising along and the next we are crashing into a wall with all the vicarious trauma scattered around us. And let me tell you, it’s not pretty. We must all remember that being there for others or helping others comes at a cost and sometimes we just don’t have the energy to pay the toll. None of this means that we shouldn’t be there for others. It means we must pay better attention to ourselves.

You don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that’s constantly on, or endlessly available, or immune to burnout. The strongest thing you might do today is step back, take a breath, cancel that extra thing, or tell someone, “I’m not okay right now.” And in doing that, you’re not failing the work or them—you’re taking care of you. Because when we care for ourselves with as much intention as we care for others, we model what sustainable strength really looks like.

At Manifest Joy Counseling, we offer compassionate, collaborative individual therapy in Tucson in a space where you can explore living authentically through the strength you already possess.

Ready to take the next step? Contact Manifest Joy Counseling at 520.885.1033 or visit https://www.manifestjoycounseling.com/ today to schedule an appointment.